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This was sent to me by our friends from Alaska, and I found it kind of humorous, and thought I'd post it here for all to see. They say that the best humor has an essence of truth to it, and in this instance, that would appear to be the case. Enjoy it or not, its as funny as it is becoming true (if not already true). If you can't take political humor in stride, please do NOT read any further. If all you see is racism by conservatives, and none by liberals, do NOT read any further. Etc.
Yes, we know this is silly humor, but more and more often, it feels as if this perspective of our increasingly divided country is becoming the truth. Obama, the Uniter, appears to have become the greatest divider in the history of our country. Well, below is an agreement to just get it over with and finish what you started - get a divorce and divide the country.
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A Divorce Agreement
Since we are not going to get gasoline back to $1.50 per gallon and coffee to $2.00 per pound maybe this would be a solution we could live with. Note from sender: This is so incredibly well-put, I can hardly believe it's by a young person, a student!! Whatever he runs for, I'll vote for him!
DIVORCE AGREEMENT
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, regressive, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
1. Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides had such distinct and disparate tastes.
2. We don't like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them. We'll keep the Tea Party (philosophy: living within your means), and you can give the Occupy Movement (philosophy: take what others have earned) its own country!
3. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
4. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. Note that if you can't stand behind our Military, please feel free to stand in front of them!
5. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar, and bio-diesel.
6. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.
7. We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street.
8. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless homeboys, hippies, druggies, and illegal aliens.
9. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's, the 1-percenters and Rednecks.
10. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .
11. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
12. You can have the peace-niks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
13. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
14. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness, Shirley McLain, and Gloria Alred. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.
15. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Prius you can round up.
16. You can give everyone healthcare, assuming you can find any practicing doctors.
17. We'll continue to believe healthcare is an earned luxury and not a right.
18. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."
19. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya," and / or "We Are the World".
20. We'll practice trickledown economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
21. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our constitution and our flag.
22. Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded conservative and liberal patriots. Good luck with your new nation - we are going to LOVE ours!
Sincerely,
John J. Wall m Law Student and an American
PS - Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, George Clooney and Jane Fonda with you.
PSS - And you won't have to "Press 1 for English" when you call our country.
Forward this every time you get it! Let's keep this going; maybe some of it will start sinking in!
